Ughhh VERY over work. It’s not just work, it’s like life lol. This last month is stressing me out and I feel not all here yet really here at the same time. Parents and family are stressing me tf out lol. Whatever tho. I have 3 days off and I’m stoked.
I got to work today and put my stuff away then went to wait in the break room. I was talking to the other girl I was closing with waiting til we could clock in and Ronnie came in and joined us. I don’t know man, the more I see him the more it becomes a real crush lol. And I don’t know what to do. Of course I would have liked to talk to him by myself. But the other girl just talks a loooootttt, in general lol. And they start talking about running miles. Haha. Ronnie asks me about my miles (and I was not gonna answer that hahaha) but the girl just kept talking because she talks a lot. But hey, he wanted to talk to me I could tell. He probably came in there to see me. It’s like protocol for us to mess around a little and talk as he’s getting off and I’m starting work. The other girl left after she clocked in and him and I stayed in there. He was messing with me while I clocked in trying to make me mess up and I teased him about coming in late. Haha. So lame, but soo cute. I went into the other room to get something and when I came out him and another guy were leaving, so we kinda all walk together and I guess (?) they were talking about cup sizes LOL bc he was saying he was a whatever cup (stupid guys) and that’s right as I came out and he says to me “what about you Anna?” I said I was a D and he is straight up looking at my chest and telling me he thinks I’m a double D hahahahah omg. I went to go my separate ways and I’m still laughing and I say bye and he kind of hesitated to say something but then stopped and just waved and smiled instead. Gosh I’m so in lurvvve~
I’m so bored and unsatisfied with life I’m just gna make the moves on him this week. Because like whatever. Haha
4:26 am • 2 December 2013
Once again it’s been a minute. I should keep up with this more..anyways my eating is a mess. I did good for like a week and dropped 2 lbs but I think they’re back with bitch ass holidays. But I’m gna retake my license photo this month so I’m gna be strict on myself seriously starting today. The first lol. I swear. And gonna start a constant workout schedule. Because I’m so over my workplace and coworkers that I don’t even care anymore.
Anyway real quick, I don’t even talk to Jess anymore and that kills me. She was my world and now it’s literally like we don’t know each other. She’s so cold to me and I know I can’t ever fix things. I still have my loyalties to her and I will always keep those and that’s what sucks. I’m still hoping she’ll see that. I still see her face and it pulls on my heart strings. But loving her is so hard for me and it hurts more than anything else, really. With loving her, I was literally always thinking about her doing other things, and dropping me, and hurting me, because it started happening too often. I guess that’s not what I need. I never thought that would happen but hey, she warned me and once again she was right.
Mike called me the other night. I assumed he would have lost my number. He wanted to hang out but I had no intentions of following through. Like I said, my loyalties still lie with Jess. She’s still everything even if I’m nothing to her. She made me feel this way about mike, which is the best part. I still feel like I’m waiting for her, which is the worst part.
Buut, in trying to act as if I never knew her, I’m still being a little girl about Ronnie. And really I think we’re getting closer. At work it’s like me Ronnie and Sam. When the three of us are working its the best time. He really fits in with us, that’s what I love. He is my only friend at work really, aside from Sam. I mean he’s the only person I’d consider my friend outside of work, and all that. Maybe just because from the beginning he showed me around the most so I’m attached, but we’ve bonded and its so cute. It’s always me and him and I love it. I think we’re like the two closest ones. We’re always very playful with each other and teasing, and touchy feely. It’s hard getting to know someone while working but we make do, and we are slowly. Like we’ve just found out we share a deep love for Kanye and odd future, which makes my heart warm. I could tell he was diggin that. I had switched a shift and ended up working with him again the other day, without Sam, but omg. We got NOTHING done because we were so busy fucking around with each other the whole time. He must’ve liked it though because he asked me if I was working with him again and he seemed a little disappointed when I said it was just that one time. He also asked me to work thanksgiving with him, and I tried but the shift was taken =\ I really needed to work too lol. It’s just the little things I said lol. I put my hand on the door to open it and he puts his hand on top of mine. Aha. Like I know when you wanna touch someone lol. He’s only 19 turns out. I’m 22 basically and have been around a few times. Sounds so bad but come on. I know I can be fairly innocent but a younger guy is SO cute. I haven’t fucked with that in forever. I don’t think I’ve ever even actually been with a younger guy. Omg and the last time we worked together, he came in an hour late. When he came in we were talking and he was like “gosh Anna why didn’t you text me?” I said I didn’t have his number and he told me I did that I had everyone’s number (we do on a paper but I don’t have them saved in my phone) so I apologized. He said later no one noticed he was late and I said I did and he mentioned me not texting him tho and I said I would next time..I mean I figure he obviously wants me to text him hahahahahaha. And he always comes and finds me while I’m working just to say something, just to make small talk or a joke and make me smile and its so cute how he follows me around just like I kind of follow him around. It’s going to make our coworkers sick how inseparable we are lol. I already feel weird when were all together and him and I are all buddy’d up hahaha. Because the other guys are hella thirsty. And I’m always all smiley in front of Ronnie or when I talk to Ronnie. I just think we kind of like each other lol. It’s so complicated being coworkers tho!! Oh well I guess we’ll see. I am so into this guy, he is the PERFECT distraction from all the right things.
12:58 pm • 1 December 2013
Wow I’ve been so MIA. Everything’s been pretty interesting I guess. Jess and I went on to ignore each other for 2 1/2 weeks. It would have went on for 3, and maybe even 4, but I caved and texted her while I was at work. And I literally, IMMEDIATELY regretted it. WEIRD. The feeling and level of anxiety I got was just too much. I mean I guess I’m always kinda filled with that much anxiety when we haven’t talked and I break the ice, but it was so bad I was starting to have a panic attack and had to take a second in the back room for my heart rate and vision to settle down. And then she proceeds to not text me back for hours. I guess to even the score. I guess I just needed that little shitty bit of closure. Because I told her I’m glad to see she’s doing good and that I miss her, and left it at that. Like nothing’s changed with me but it has with her and that’s whatever. I see her on this like weeklong bender and I can’t even hang for a night right now. And just idk. Things are so different they probably won’t go back. I’m so sad but too sad to cry about it. I’m too worn out to bother her about it and to her that means I’m not trying but I’ve been trying and fucking fighting for her love and attention for 10 months. 10 months for someone who would never even really be mine. I’ve been letting that sink in a lot. And this is probably so stupid but I’ve been listening to Miley’s new album so much especially when I’m outside in the mornings getting baked and sometimes I just sit there and do start crying because its getting me through this bullshit~ and I think about how worse it was for Miley. I was in the car with Jen listening to wrecking ball n she always says “this song is so sad!” N she was asking about Miley n Liam’s relationship n I said how Miley said she knew it was over in February but they stayed together. Jen says its crazy how couples stay together even long after they know its done. I say it happens all the time, and she just says “I know”. And then I just wanted to cry.
Sorry for the tangent..
Anyway at work. We have our monthly staff meeting/potluck. I never eat of course. They always ask me why I don’t eat. I can’t just say I’m not hungry/I have a stomach ache every month..lol. I should just tell the truth n say I have a phobia of eating in front of so many people. Well anyway at this months, the boss tells us next month we aren’t having a potluck because we’re having a little fitness comp amongst all of us. LOL. So we have to make fitness goals I guess and whichever team reaches those wins..well at least ill be on Ronnie’s (the guy I love) team?? And at least I have more of a reason for diet and exercise??
And you know when you automatically know if someone will be good or bad for you??? Ronnie. Not sure. One second I was like hey this I good, then I was like this could be bad, now I just don’t know. Maybe because I’m still pretty unsure if its a serious thing?? Lol. He made a comment that was kind of triggering and that’s why I thought it could be bad. But that’s the thing, he’s soo into his diet and exercise it might be perfect. We’re 2 former fat kids with strict diets who only drink water who are striving for the perfect body. I just thought it was perfect because with his diet as strict as it is, I would never have to worry about him wanting to go out to eat!!!! That’s seriously my biggest fear is when my friends or family or someone suggests going out to eat. And he said he never eats after 6 pm and I was just doing backflips inside. He seriously knows exercises for every part of your body. His intelligence really turns me on lol. There’s this OTHER girl at work who I know likes him too and he was talking to her about this because she works out a lot but apparently doesn’t eat right?? Go figure. Idk how you work out and don’t know how to eat right. I think he likes me because I was a fat kid too. Hahah. We have that bond. He called me “hella small” and idk it weirds me out when people call me small n I told him its cuz I still see myself as a fat lard ass n we laughed about that, but it’s nice that he thinks I’m small. Every girl wants to be thought of as small by the guy they like. And then the next day we were alone in the back room and I went to open the door and he totally put his hand on top of mine ON PURPOSE obviously ;))
Just really enjoying these cute little beginning stages of a crush. Never had a work crush before so it’s different. And it’s been so looooong since I’ve had a real legit CRUSH on someone!!! Not since I’ve had a Facebook lololol. I feel like an old person, idk what to do next. The worst part is, since we’re always in work clothes I can’t even seduce him with my fly style and tits. Jk sorta. No really it’s even better because I have to rely on my personality hahaha. Maaan I just hope he’s receptive lol, guys are so hard sometimes!
10:44 am • 18 November 2013
I have something to admit, lol. That makes it sound bad, but I guess I’m just a little embarrassed. I’ve got a little crush on one of my coworkers..go figure! So typical of me. I know this is partially coming from me being mistreated and pushed away by Jess. I know she’d be so mad and say I was “proving her point” but wtf does she expect, and I’m literally doing nothing. It’s a guy, and I’m 95% sure he’s younger than me. He’s in great shape and has amazing arms and is like ridiculously good looking. I don’t know much about him. I only have one shift with him now, I had two but I let one of the girls switch with me and now my crazy mind thinks she switched to have it with him lol 😞 I just kinda dig him because he’s really smart and I know like NO smart guys. It’s like impossible for me to find someone who is smart, but doesn’t make me feel like they’re smarter than me, but can still show me things. He’s probably showed me the most at this job so far and made things easiest for me when Sam wasn’t around, even though he gave me a pretty hard time too. I think that’s why I dig him too. If you give me a hard time ill probably just like you more. He talks to me forever about Harry potter and I think that’s adorable, because he knows I love it. The first time I worked with him he just dove right into the heavy questions and I didn’t know how to answer and I was getting really hot and nervous and anxious but that’s the kinda person he is and again, I actually ended up kinda liking that. I accidentally came in for the wrong shift (the shift I had switched) and when he saw me we started talking and I told him I didn’t know I had permanently switched the shift, and we were both seeming kinda bummed and he was like “you’re gonna miss me” and I just smiled and nodded UGH! Lol.
Jess is fucking up. This kid is sending me into the beginning stages of a crush and she’s got me in the shitty stages of a relationship just shy of that one year mark. That so many don’t make hahah. I hella cheese when I think about this guy, but when I think about her, or am reminded of her, everything changes and deep down I kinda know nothing could come of me and anyone else because its always gonna be me and her.
That’s probably a really negative way to think. I KNOW if I’m ever gonna help myself one way or another, I have to get out of that. But I love her so much and how do I let that go??
She is still perfect to me in every single way, except for the way that she treats me. But shouldn’t that be the most important? Fuck.
12:09 pm • 3 November 2013
Well, it’s been quite a while. I’m on a mental roller coaster, as always, but aren’t we all?? It’s November first and I lost pretty much no weight in October. I stayed 138 the whole month as far as I know. But I feel sick. Like in my blood and my body. Not enough to really care, because as more time passes and I get older each passing day, I just want to fucking die more. Not to be fucking dramatic. I just want the world to stop. No, not the world I guess. I just would be content to not wake up tomorrow. I don’t even feel its suicidal, I just don’t fancy living. Is that so bad? Well I know I say this a million times, but I’m ready to get my diet into shape and also get a steady gym schedule going. I feel disgusting about my body and feel that I eat too much. Apparently I blatantly admitted to my friends last night that I was going back onto a starvation diet, but I don’t really consider it starvation?? I’d be eating way more than I usually was. But anyways, that’s not what im going to do. I’m comfortable enough at my job to know that I can manage to work my shifts on an empty stomach. Including my closing shifts on weekends. What can I say, I’ve had years and years of practice. At first I was scared that with all the moving around and bending up and down the blood rushing to my head would be too much and I’d pass out, but I’ve been surprisingly fine. A little dizzy and yah sometimes the blood rush is a bit much but nothing I can’t handle. And if its really too much I can buy a fucking protein cookie or some shit. But I love the gym. I really do. It’s surprisingly soothing for me, being there, and I adore the people.
Anyways, as always there’s trouble in paradise with Jess and i right now of course. I can never keep her happy. But I guess that’s expected when we haven’t seen each other in pushing 7 months.. If she’d just hold it down for me and wait just a litttttle bit longer I’ll fucking be right by her side making lost time up to her. I finally have a job and ill have a car in a couple weeks and I can promise her I will spend whatever paycheck falls at that time to come see her. I’ll blow the whole damn thing I don’t care. What do I have to do to show her I’m not going anywhere???
1:01 pm • 1 November 2013
Work has been nice, I haven’t really “worked” although today I actually did a little.. We got our schedule for next week and Sam loves me and gave me quite a bit of hours for just being part time hehehe. In definitely trying to work as much as possible. I’ll probably take whatever shift I can get as long as I can make it and as long as it doesn’t interfere with any plans I already have made. I just worry that my disorderly ways will get in the way of things. I’ve already heard some fat-shaming comments which made me feel strange, and all the rooms I have to clean by myself are covered in head to toe mirrors. It’s just strange being in a room by yourself covered in mirrors. Where you can pick out every one of your flaws. I saw my waist looked kind of small but I still want to lose a few inches off of it. I’m glad my legs weren’t really showing. I probably would have broken down and cried.
Right now all I can focus on is how fucking fat and disgusting I am. And how when I go to my moms house tomorrow I will probably be the same weight. I couldn’t even say no to beer tonite, and that’s my god damn problem. A 40 isn’t even enough to get me drunk, so why do I drink it? I just need the fucking alcohol I guess. I’m a fucking alcoholic I just don’t take it so far. That’s what happens when you mix an eating disorder with alcoholism I guess. I’m stingy with my drinking so people don’t take it seriously. But I can never turn a fucking drink down.
Anyways, I can’t wait to get comfortable at work, and I can’t wait to start working out again. I’ll probably still be fucking fat for Halloween, but I’ll be skinny for my bday I fucking promise.
5:03 am • 5 October 2013
I’ve got to lose like 20 more lbs before I take my new ID photo D;
And I’ve only got like 2ish more months before I’ve gotta get a new one. I was only 17 in my current one hahaha.
12:52 pm • 3 October 2013
So I’ve officially started training at my new job, which means its officially official!! I’m working at a gym. That I just found out is 24 hours… Fucking fantastic. One of the ladies who was giving me information, she was really sweet, she told me she lost like 100 lbs her first year working there. My eyes nearly fell out of my head. This is like, not information you should be telling me. So now I’ve got free membership, 24 hour access, a job that’s sure to make me sweat, and motivation?? And I’m stoked to be working with sam. Everyone I’ve met so far was really nice and laid back. There’s even a couple people from my high school. So no ones all up themselves and that relieves any anxiety I had which was surprisingly not much. I guess I’ve reached a new level of not giving a fuck. My main priorities in life right now are making a buck, getting skinny, and proving to Jess she can trust me and I love her. I figure getting my life on track is a good way. Getting a car and saving my money to see her would probably do the trick. I know her.
Well I realllllyy wanted to lose a lot of weight for October. Actually, I wanted to lose a lot of weight the last few months of the year. Right now I do kinda feel like I’m nt gonna make it. I know it’s only the second day of the month. So I’m gonna Buckle down. No more munchies. I can already tell I’m gonna pick up smoking after work everyday again though. So I need to get those munchies back in line.
11:16 am • 2 October 2013
Wow fuck shit this blows I can’t count on anybody. I was really gonna see Jess this weekend and like fucking ALWAYS Jen is canceling when she KNOWS how much this means to me. I don’t get it??? Now she’s trying to go all these other places and idk I probably just won’t even go because I feel like I’ll just be a buzzkill and who really wants that around. I all of a sudden feel ten times fatter and grosser and I just want to drink a lot and talk to Jess all night, but I feel like she’s mad at me now because I had to tell her that I was gonna come and now I’m not, and she didn’t even text me back when I explained why :((((
It was seriously all I wanted, to see her. I can’t explain how fucking crushed I am. I got it in my head when I shouldn’t have because Jen is too fucking unreliable when it comes to this shit. I try not to be upset because really she’s the one doing me a favor, but I never asked to be the one relying on people. Hopefully in a week or two ill have my own car, and I’ll be working my then, and I really think ill be using one my first or second paycheck to go see Jess, ALONE. I hope Jen isn’t surprised when I tell her that. Like what can she expect??? It’s all I fucking want, to see this girl, and I’m getting it in my crazy fucked up head that my best friend is deliberately trying to stop me from seeing her. If she wanted to see someone this bad I’d try to help her out. I haven’t seen her since her birthday and that was in the beginning of April.. That was…going on 5-6 months ago?! 6 seems too long I must be trippin out. This can’t be fucking right. I’m going to cry.
12:21 pm • 27 September 2013
Well I’ve been pretty good with food. Most days I’m pretty under my limit, and I’ve had a few days lately I was probably at or right around/above the limit. I figure it should be alright for my metabolism? Based off of past experiences? Lol well anyway, hopefully I go to my moms house sometime this week and can weigh myself. And I’ll be under 138.
But now, about Jess. I don’t know where to begin. I never do. I’m a little on cloud 9 still, I must admit. I’m not even sure where it began. Again, we’ve been talking a lot lately. I guess it really started… A few nights ago, Rachel threw a bonfire for her ex gf Chloe. It was just like old times. I’ve missed Chloe so fuckin much. We used to do everything together, the three of us. So her and I were getting drunk and I ended up telling her about Jess. She’s met Jess and the last time they saw each other it was so funny because Chloe was in a really bad mood and Jess was fucking w/ her and all this shit. So I was texting Jess of course and had told her I was with Chloe, and of course she has to say “give her my number” of course trying to make me jealous or something because I’m jealous of everything lolol. I say no she asks why I tell her b/c I’m too jealous hahaha. Then she ended up fucking CALLING me and Rachel was trying to take the phone at me because she got mad that Jess was trying to “talk to her girls” and I was trying to explain that it wasn’t even like that, that it was only about us and she was just making me jealous. JEEEEZE. I finally just walked off and called Jess back and we awkwardly and drunkenly talked a little about our feelings a little and I mostly said that it was dumb but I got really jealous but that she should know that by now. Me and Chloe were going to get alcohol with our other friend so I told Jess she could wish her a happy birthday an gave her the phone lol. They talked and she gave me the phone and asked “was that so bad?” Hahah. No, I guess it wasn’t. While I was buying alcohol she had texted me again, asking if I hated her. You know, her famous typical text. I asked why would I? And I told her I didn’t think I could ever really hate her. I really don’t. The next morning I was out with Jen trying to get some hangover food and she texted me 😍 we talked all day.. And we’ve kinda I guess talked every day since then. I’d even fall asleep on her. She started texting me the “you text back slow” which I think is cute and means she wants to talk to me. She used to always say that to me..haha.
It got weird maybe 2 days ago. She knows I adore her. Like I don’t know how many times, how many different ways I have to say it to her. Anyways, we were once again talking all day. I mentioned Jen and she called her my gf, like she always does. So we go back and forth about that. She does it to tease me, and the only reason it really actually gets under my skin is because she KNOWS how much I’m into HER. She said “yea right you hella would” and I guess I got more bothered because I think she really believes that deep down, because of stupid mistake I’ve made. So like I don’t know wtf else I can do to make her see she’s literally all I see haha. I understand and believe that to be forgiven, you have to accept responsibility for what you did, own up to it, and then spend adequate time making up for what you did. And I don’t care if I’m making up for what I did for the next couple of years, she needs to at least recognize that I’m real about it. I told her she needs to stop teasing me by saying I’m into other people when she knows I only have eyes for her. Annnd she says “you don’t want me I promise” I tell her it doesn’t change..the same convo we’ve had too many times to count. We ended up talking about “wanting different things” which is actually kinda wanting the same things. So she asks if we’re at an understanding. I say yea but that I don’t think anyone was ever confused. Because I certainly never was. Until the next day, which was yesterday. We start talking about me coming down, and how my friends never will take me. She’s saying my friends hate her, I’m saying they’re just a little jealous that I’d ditch them for her. She mentions Jen being in love with me again and I say I hope she doesn’t really think that. Then she tells me not to play her. I say I’m not, and I ask her why. She tells me I play games. I told her I don’t. That maybe I did a while ago, but that I have no need to anymore. Then all of a sudden she comes at me saying that Eric said the last time he was out here, I was still kickin it with mike. And that mikes her boy, and that I say I only have eyes for her and yet I’m still putting myself in these situations and she doesn’t know how she can trust me. Which kinda hurts to hear because its true I did have a couple slip ups a few months back. But I was getting really bad, and we stopped talking and she was really talking to other girls, and I really didn’t care about myself or anything. But I got over it quick because I still cared about her and I haven’t even seen or talked to mike since then. And I told her that that’s why I said I was playing games for a minute but I was really done now. And that she doesn’t have to believe me and I know it takes time, but that I trusted myself now. And I hadn’t talked to mike in months. She told me she believed me and that I had one more chance… So now is why I’m confused. One more chance for what? If we have and want nothing, why do I need one more chance for? I know she wants more with me, she’s just afraid to trust me. That’s just why I’m confused. The night before, we were all clear. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship because I don’t really like em or care for em. No desire for one, but I do like her so much, and I want to pursue her. I’m just not asking to be her gf, but I would like her to be slightly more exclusive to me. She doesn’t want a relationship either, she wants to do her. Which is literally ultimately what I need and want to do. I am the only person I want to be with. So despite my complicated wants with her, we want the same things. But then she came in with this shit, making it obvious she is very preoccupied with my love life too, and says she’s giving me one last chance. Does this mean were on again? Because I think we could make it work. Sort of work.
3:47 pm • 25 September 2013
I hate food. I hate my relationship with it. I blame my family for making it worse and worse. I’m freaking out now for reasons I didn’t even think I would?? Yesterday I said I made food for my sister but she got sick. So I saved the food for her to take to school today. Last night before I went to bed I made a pot of rice to go with it. I was fuckin high off my ass and ended up eating hella munchies too and now I’m fuckin sick. I should KNOW BETTER by now. Never happening again. I say it every time but for real. I fucking hate waking up in the middle of the night with a tummy ache, and I fucking hate waking up the next day still sick, so never fucking again. Well I wake up early to get her food together, and it’s fuckin gone!!! Like I’m sorry wtf?!?! I had specifically told him I made it for her. Like there isn’t a million other gross ass shit he can eat in this house? He has to eat something I prepared specifically for her? Of course I’m taking it extremely personally because its food, and it’s my fucking food. He doesn’t buy me any food at all, all the food he buys is stuff that him and the boys eat, and it’s because he says I “never eat whatever he buys me anyways”. Obviously due to my fear of eating in general but he’s too blind to see that. He doesn’t even buy vegetables right now. So the ONE time he has a couple vegetables, I use a few for the fish (which is literally the ONLY thing he buys that I eat) and he decides he’s going to eat it. When it’s clearly packed away, one single serving for one single serving. I mean if you didn’t make it, you didn’t put it away, you have no idea how it got there, wouldn’t you just leave it the fuck alone?!?
I hate how my mind cannot stop dwelling on this.
I’m sorry I just want to fucking cry because they do little stupid shit like this to me they eat my food like its nothing but they don’t notice when I don’t eat for weeks and I clean up after them every day I wash all their disgusting dirty dishes even though I have no dirty dishes of my own and I stay home everyday and wake up at the crack of dawn and I get my brothers off to school and I sit here and stare at the wall for hours everyday and I’m a good girl and my dad acts grateful but I don’t think he really cares. I’m about to be 22 and I know what everyone in my family really thinks about me. My dad isn’t thankful for anything I do if he was he’d at least make an effort to help me get off my feet. I’m going to blow my brains out. I’m going to let my body eat itself from the inside out.
I’m just so fucking tired of feeling like a ghost. Sometimes I just can’t take it any longer.
10:15 am • 20 September 2013
I just..IDK. My sister came over and I was gna make her lunch, so I was gna eat too most likely. She gets sick like as soon as I start preparing the food, so I kinda had to slow my roll. After I eventually put the fish in the oven, I took her home. By the time I came back, the fish was ready. Everything came out great. I took it out and tasted a tiny bit, and then just stood there and stared at it for the longest time. I just stared at the pan full of food. Like I cooked so much fucking food and I have no idea why? It’s like I just go into a trance. I probably would have made all that even if she didn’t come over. I even made potatoes and squash and mushrooms and I’m like what?!?! I ate a piece of squash a mushroom and a potato and I knew I wasn’t gna eat. And now I fucking feel full like I ate the whole meal. There was no way I could fuck up by eating a full meal, this early.
My brother just came home so I gave him my portion of the food. At least he can eat it and enjoy it guilt free. Wow I felt good about myself yesterday and that has quickly passed. I keep thinking about that fucking in n out comment.
4:34 pm • 19 September 2013